My State of Mind

This song by Jordan sparks is my mind set.

You said that I wasn’t pretty so I just believed you
and, you said that I wasn’t special.
So I lived that way with critical gazes, and brutal amazement at how my reflection could be so imperfect.
With all of my blemishes how could somebody want me?
But God love ugly,
he doesn’t see the way I see.
Oh, God takes ugly and turns it in to something that is beautiful.
Apparently I am beautiful cause you love me.
I try to clean up the outside
all shiny and new,
worked over tired
to pin up and look right.
But inside I knew that deep in the bottom
were secrets I thought I could try to ignore.
Old ghost in my corridors never get tired
of haunting the past that in me.
But god love ugly,
He doesn’t see the way I see.
Oh god takes ugly and turns it in to something that is beautiful.
Apparently I am beautiful cause you love me.
Help me believe,
why you love me
I know you see you see everything
help me believe
why you love me
when I know you see
inside and you still say im beautiful
you telling me im beautiful
your screaming out so beautiful
im finding im beautiful
you making me so beautiful
and I can see im beautiful cause you love me

The Brain vs. Decisions

* I wrote this like month ago but Im behind on bloging..

You know when you little and you have a problem with someone pushing you around or bullying you and you go to your parents and they tell you to just ignore them. It makes you start to wonder if as we grow older this why we let people walk all over us. Why we just ignore a problem hoping it will go away instead of facing it head on and dealing it with it. Did our parents unintentionally train us to be passive aggressive procrastinator, or are we as the older generation suggest.
There is a scientific study that says the brain doesn’t fully developed until in the early twenties. The normal age of complete development is at the age of 21 but no later then the age of 23. Now if your brain isn’t fully developed does that make it impossible for you to make decisions of a rational and logical nature? Studies show that the last part of the brain to develop is that of rational decision making. Does this mean it’s impossible to make a rational decision before this development? The truth is science doesn’t know because even though they have an idea of how and where thought happens in the brain there is no central location. What they have discover it that the thought process is something that happens in both sides of the brain and they communicate back and forth to each other like wire and cables. So how do they know the rational dession making process part of the brain is the last to develop its what they like to call an educated guess of a logical assumption. There is no proof just a guess from some really smart men, have a group of really smart men be wrong before yes have they been right before yes. So I guess it all come down to is what my grandfather calls believing in WAG’s (Wild Ass Guess) believe it or not. I can see as an older person who thinks they have more experience may want to believe in such a thing. I however believe it can be proven either way. I think that each person is uniquely different and in that can have very different outcomes in any situation. Do I think teenager have a hard time making right decisions yes, I however think its all in them finding there independence separate form there parents or guardians. I think that we all act and react according to the thing that happen to and around us. Its Freud fight or flight. Some of us run form our problem some of us fight them. Now back to my original question did our parents unintentionally turn us into passive aggressive procrastinator, Well I’m not sure if they or did or the didn’t but I do know that either was we choose to be who we are by our action and by the times we choose not to act. So in the end can we really blame anyone for our own choices?

My Christmas Tree

I was sad due to the fact an old friend who hurt me is coming home and I'm not sure how to take it oh and my sis overdosed agian on nov1 and had to go to the mental hospital yet again so i put up my christmas tree because seeing the lights in the dark was the only thing I could think of that would make me happy.

Gaila

I Did this Chariy Gaila where i was a fortys maid it was alot of fun heres a pic.

Selling my Mothers House

So recently my mom decided to buy a house and re finish it. So she finished and now I am selling it for her. If you would like to check it out you can at...
www.605westsilver.blogspot.com
All picture and video page design we done by me the margeting manger. Bonus is I will make a thousand dollars if it sales

Tea

So not this weekend but last weekend I went to a tea with Kathleen. The Theme was hats so I pulled out my vintage 1930's hat which I got when I was 16. Dressed the era and went to this church and went to a tea. Kathleen dressed 1800's and wore a hat she made. It was a ton of fun there was tarts and crumpits and choclate covered creme puffs and we had fancy china its was so cool. While we ate we were presented art all done by local artist. Coolest part about the tea is all proceeds go to the seventh day advantage quilting club and they make quilt that are sent to third world countrys. Its kinda like our humanitarian aid program in the lds church.

*sorry no pic yet still waiting for the e-mail but wanted to share. When I do get pic I will post them Of me and Kathleen in our getup and of my favorite local art which is horses and deer hand painted on feathers

The Pain of Repentance

“We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey.”
-Kenji Mijazawa

What is the hardest part of repentance? I think it’s the pain. See when we sin we become numb to guilt and immune to the lines of right and wrong. So as we start to repent we in essence slowly melt back into the pain. As we melt the pain seems to be ten times worse because we are feeling the guilt for the first time. See if guilt slowly builds you are eased into the pain, but if it hits you all at once it’s like jumping into an icy lake. The smack of the water is the initial feeling and the stabbing pain all over you body is the throbbing after effect. I know I make repentance sound hard that is because it is and it needs to be so we know the severity of our sins. What we need to remember is “Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever.” (That is a profound and wise statement Lance Armstrong once made.)

Life is short and we have to ask ourselves before we give up why it is we held on for so long in the first place. The answer to this question is the answer to the ultimate question you should ask before doing anything….is it worth it? Is sacrificing your time and giving your life to God worth eternal salvation? Is a little fun worth sacrificing your salvation? This life is a test, and the truth is pain is part of life. To reject that is to reject life itself, and to reject life is to reject God. Pain is regretful but suffering is optional, we can take it and turn our healed pain into wisdom or we can linger in it never allowing it to heal.

Repentance brings pain but that is how we learn and it’s the only true way to find your way back to the ultimate goal…lets not call it a goal lets call it a gift. So to have the ultimate gift you have earn it and sometime that is through pain.