The grand essentials of happieness

The grand essentials of happiness are: something to do, something to love, and something to hope for.
Now the first time I heard this saying I said ok what do I do? Well I work do I like work well its ok but I don’t necessarily think its what I want to do with my life but it will do for now. Really what you do is who you are not just work but how you spend you free time as well weather its hobbies or religion or volunteer work it all define you.

Something to love, what do I love….I like to sing but I don’t love it anymore, I like to read but I don’t love it anymore, I like to dance but I don’t love it anymore, I loved the gospel and think a part of me still does but am unable to embrace it again.

Something to hope for, what do I hope for well I would like kids some day but not the way I used to there’s something about hoping your not pregnant that makes the huge desire disappear. I hope to get married someday but I'm not sure to what kind of man. If I don’t marry a Mormon boy I don’t think I want to marry at all.

It amazes me how much one choice can change so many things in your life. I don’t know what I truly want. I can honestly say when I was going to church I felt like I was doing the right thing and I was sure of it and still am sure I was but I was so unhappy. Granted people trusted me more I had a little less drama not much but a little. I had friends but its different now. I have lost few friends in the change but I have gained twice as many as I lost. I have a lot more fun. I guess my real struggle is not which path to choose but how to be my true self while choosing that path? Part of me is that passionate girl who loves her religion. The other part is a wild girl who loves to have fun and party. When I embrace my religion I feel guilty for that part of me that is wild and when I am wild I know I shouldn’t be running from that other part of myself the question is how do balance two extreme opposites and stay true to yourself?