My State of Mind

This song by Jordan sparks is my mind set.

You said that I wasn’t pretty so I just believed you
and, you said that I wasn’t special.
So I lived that way with critical gazes, and brutal amazement at how my reflection could be so imperfect.
With all of my blemishes how could somebody want me?
But God love ugly,
he doesn’t see the way I see.
Oh, God takes ugly and turns it in to something that is beautiful.
Apparently I am beautiful cause you love me.
I try to clean up the outside
all shiny and new,
worked over tired
to pin up and look right.
But inside I knew that deep in the bottom
were secrets I thought I could try to ignore.
Old ghost in my corridors never get tired
of haunting the past that in me.
But god love ugly,
He doesn’t see the way I see.
Oh god takes ugly and turns it in to something that is beautiful.
Apparently I am beautiful cause you love me.
Help me believe,
why you love me
I know you see you see everything
help me believe
why you love me
when I know you see
inside and you still say im beautiful
you telling me im beautiful
your screaming out so beautiful
im finding im beautiful
you making me so beautiful
and I can see im beautiful cause you love me

The Brain vs. Decisions

* I wrote this like month ago but Im behind on bloging..

You know when you little and you have a problem with someone pushing you around or bullying you and you go to your parents and they tell you to just ignore them. It makes you start to wonder if as we grow older this why we let people walk all over us. Why we just ignore a problem hoping it will go away instead of facing it head on and dealing it with it. Did our parents unintentionally train us to be passive aggressive procrastinator, or are we as the older generation suggest.
There is a scientific study that says the brain doesn’t fully developed until in the early twenties. The normal age of complete development is at the age of 21 but no later then the age of 23. Now if your brain isn’t fully developed does that make it impossible for you to make decisions of a rational and logical nature? Studies show that the last part of the brain to develop is that of rational decision making. Does this mean it’s impossible to make a rational decision before this development? The truth is science doesn’t know because even though they have an idea of how and where thought happens in the brain there is no central location. What they have discover it that the thought process is something that happens in both sides of the brain and they communicate back and forth to each other like wire and cables. So how do they know the rational dession making process part of the brain is the last to develop its what they like to call an educated guess of a logical assumption. There is no proof just a guess from some really smart men, have a group of really smart men be wrong before yes have they been right before yes. So I guess it all come down to is what my grandfather calls believing in WAG’s (Wild Ass Guess) believe it or not. I can see as an older person who thinks they have more experience may want to believe in such a thing. I however believe it can be proven either way. I think that each person is uniquely different and in that can have very different outcomes in any situation. Do I think teenager have a hard time making right decisions yes, I however think its all in them finding there independence separate form there parents or guardians. I think that we all act and react according to the thing that happen to and around us. Its Freud fight or flight. Some of us run form our problem some of us fight them. Now back to my original question did our parents unintentionally turn us into passive aggressive procrastinator, Well I’m not sure if they or did or the didn’t but I do know that either was we choose to be who we are by our action and by the times we choose not to act. So in the end can we really blame anyone for our own choices?

My Christmas Tree

I was sad due to the fact an old friend who hurt me is coming home and I'm not sure how to take it oh and my sis overdosed agian on nov1 and had to go to the mental hospital yet again so i put up my christmas tree because seeing the lights in the dark was the only thing I could think of that would make me happy.

Gaila

I Did this Chariy Gaila where i was a fortys maid it was alot of fun heres a pic.